Sunday, May 22, 2011

Just remindin' ya, I'm alive.

After Valentine's, I've had some massive family aggro, and as such I've had to put hold on what already was a very short blogging "career". Rest assured that I will keep spewing my bile from now on, and that you won't miss a single moment of it.

I turned 22 yesterday, which we all know is supposed to give me +hp, mp, str, agi, etc. Now the issue remains for me to find my damn trainer to see what new skills I pick up. I've been told in about 10 or so years I get to pick up "Midlife Crisis", which I've been told is fun as hell.

And now for the part where all 2 of you get to interact :D what would you say is the best birthday gift you've ever recieved? This year has got to be in the top 3 for me, since a friend got me a vinyl copy of Queen's "A Night At The Opera". That's really all for now. Sheesh, I've got to make a damn blogging schedule, otherwise these rants are going to be very few and far between, and I'd like to give you guys a good reason to have followed me.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Valentine's Day

It's that time of the year again folks. My personally most depressing world event. Valentine's day. Not because of the being alone part. Because of people ruining it.

The Japanese, being avid MMOers, have got the mechanics right, you receive some chocolate on V-Day, then reciprocate on white day. Everyone else though does it the American way. Buy tons of shit, receive nothing. While the staples of Roses or Tulips (Thank you Delia for enlightening me on flowers) and REAL Chocolate are fine, the idea that it's all about women is wrong. It is a day to celebrate LOVE, not wizard sleeves. You guys need to get some +30 Balls and let the girl know you love her, but you expect the sentiment to be reciprocated. Otherwise it's more of a Quest with no reward than a 2-man raid.

Take your other half to a restaurant, but make your house the main event, flowers, candle lit movie, some glade air fresheners. Take her out to dance but don't dry hump each other, do a REAL dance, a dance that actually takes classes and daily practice to perfect. It may not sound like much, but I want you (if you have a partner) to try to waltz out of nowhere. You'll see that you will dance like shit because you aren't coordinated, the coordination and cooperation from dancing will definitely strengthen the bonds of your relationship. It's a 100% chance that you'll get to know your partner on a deeper level than before.

As for the ones just out for the kill (Oh you PvPers you), fuck it go for the easiest you can get away with. No need for Dinner and a Movie, McDonald's and a DVD should suffice.

All in all I hope to hear your Valentine's day stories, the best submissions will be published, email them at

Have a great Valentine's day, and may the GMs grace let you get what you want out of Life. I'll be spending my Valentine's day well accompanied.

Just kidding.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Black Cops

You guys wanted some Black Cops so here you are.

In all seriousness though, this is the only Black Ops screenshot I have. I'm now 1st Prestige level 30ish I think.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

What I do in between posts.

As I jot down outlines for stuff that makes me rage while I'm at work or outside, I also distract myself with Modern Warfare 2. There is a screenshot which I'm proud of, so I leave that here until I come up with another subject to actually talk about. Otherwise I'd just use a subject title and fill it with bunnies instead.


Wednesday, February 9, 2011


I was gonna write something about flowers, but then I realized I'm not a woman and know nothing about them. So here's a picture of a bunny instead.



With Valentine's day on the horizon, allow me to enlighten you on chocolate. When I say chocolate, I mean real chocolate, not this shit you're used to.

Milk chocolate fucking sucks.

Milk chocolate has it's time and place, somewhere around you level 6 or 8. If you want to get an invite to a one man raid to your fellow woman/man's underwear you need real chocolate. You need a level cap chocolate, that shows you're world traveled and refined. REAL chocolate, DARK chocolate, with wings and horns and fangs and shit. 

Real chocolate.

This along peanut butter or other types of dark (which are all percentage based) along with some fruit, will get you that loot you've always been after. Now depending on this your date may or may not be public, if it happens in your house, then you need to get you a fondue pot and create a lovely atmosphere for a date. If you're going out somewhere, support a mom and pop restaurant, not the hippies at The Melting Pot. Now as to why you should be eating dark instead of milk: 

  • Stat boosts: All the stat boosts from milk chocolate, with the bonus of +20 intellect for being so refined and NONE of the processed debuffs of milk chocolate. Dark chocolate also promotes circulatory system health.

Wikipedia has this to say on the subject:
A study reported by the BBC indicated that melting chocolate in one's mouth produced an increase in brain activity and heart rate that was more intense than that associated with passionate kissing, and also lasted four times as long after the activity had ended.
If this doesn't convince you, you probably should be reading another blog.

I may expand on this topic for the V-Day extravaganza in the works. Recipes, home decor, etc. But keep your eyes on the prize and you will be one step closer to the loot you want from Life.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011


If there's one thing I thoroughly enjoy it's cigars, such as this one.

They provide +5 Agility, Strength, and Awesome, but -10 stamina and chance of cancers. This one cost my friend $6 but it was better than most $20-30 cigars I've had. I recommend Romeo &  Julieta cigars if you're inclined to ever try cigar smoking. These can be enjoyed with your guild mates, or by yourself listening to Soft Jazz. Proper cutters and lighters aren't necessary, but will definitely enhance the overall experience, and you won't ruin a cigar with a pair of scissors like I did once.

WARNING: Unless you're Bill Clinton, DO NOT INHALE. It's the most unpleasant thing you will ever do.

Feel free to fill up the comment box with crap as to how unhealthy it is.

Basic Rules

Understand that life follows the same rules as most MMOs, I'll use the MMO I've ruined the most marriages on, WoW as an example.

  • You will be forced to team up at work with people who are fucking stupid, these are your PUGs (Pick Up Groups).
  • You will be forced to team up at work with A LOT of people who are fucking stupid and 3-5 people carrying everybody (These are your Raids).
  • Even though there are around 8 billion people playing this game we call life, you will most likely not contact more than 20 people at any given time regularly (This is your family, aka Your Guild).
  • Variety is the spice of life, but chances are you'll still always do the same shit over and over again, (Your work/school/hobbies are your Dailies, and the places you do them are your dungeons).
  • You get what you put in, but most people will try to fucking drain you and be dead weight.
Understand these simple concepts, and you will understand, even enjoy my rants.


Congratulations! You have stumbled upon the biggest resource to the  most interesting game of them all, life. There are constant patches, no monthly fees, and too many guides on the internet on how to be good at it.

So allow me to untangle this web of shit for you, as I post your weekly patch notes and tips on how to not suck at life.

TL;DR, I'm gonna write a lot.